NHL Power Rankings April 3: Capitals stink

I get criticized for being too nice on the Washington Capitals. Not anymore. And I don’t care about wins or losses at this point. What I see I will tell like it is. And the Caps simply stink.

We haven’t done one of these power rankings in a while. And this is the first one all season. But HOW BAD are the Capitals? Oh man it’s so ugly. Like it’s so bad we just had to warn you with the headline.

But anyway here’s our first power rankings of the season and I’m kind of glad we waited until now and didn’t do this in December.

1. Boston Bruins: The Bruins won the President’s Trophy by completely dominating the competition and look like heavy favorites for the Stanley Cup. We’ll see if they can do it on the big stage, something that previous President’s Trophy winners have failed to do.
2. Carolina Hurricanes: The southern jerks are just ahead of the next team we’ll mention in the Metropolitan Division. Can they win their first Cup since Peter Laviolette took them there in 2006?
3. New Jersey Devils: These guys are the real deal. I’d put money on them to win the Cup.
4. Vegas Golden Knights: Sin City looks to get on top with the addition of Jonathan Quick.
5. New York Rangers: Patrick Kane. Nuff said. Plus they completely dominated the Caps yesterday.
6. Toronto Maple Leafs: They make life better as a Caps fan. And the Caps won the Sandin trade. And that’s the only good thing I’ll say about the Caps. Maybe they win the first round but if they luck out and do that then that’s probably it.
7. Los Angeles Kings: Now I really wanna see a Kings vs. Golden Knights playoff series after they traded Quick.
8. Edmonton Oilers: Always loved watching Connor McDavid.
9. Minnesota Wild: Could they be a dark horse and could Marcus Johansson help them out?
10. Colorado Avalanche: Defending champs yes but it might be tricky to do it again.
11. Dallas Stars: Jason Robertson is having a good year with 42 goals.
12. Tampa Bay Lightning: Meh. They’re the Bolts yes but they just seem the same.
13. Seattle Kraken: Playoffs or not there’s no sophomore slump in Seattle.
14. Winnipeg Jets: Man what is with the west it’s been hard ranking those teams. I was hoping this would be a finals preview when the Caps got hot and Ovi made history against these guys but alas.
15. Calgary Flames: This is a stacked team that will win a Cup one day.
16. New York Islanders: I like what they’ve done up in Long Island.
17. Pittsburgh Penguins: We’ll see if their trade deadline gambles pay off but I don’t think it will. But congrats on the playoffs I guess.
18. Florida Panthers: They aren’t out of it yet and the Caps should honestly lose Saturday’s game on purpose so the Cats get in the playoffs instead of the Penguins.
19. Nashville Predators: Congrats to Barry Trotz. Gotta love how the guy found the right situation.
20. Buffalo Sabres: Tage Thompson has 44 goals and they are on the upswing but the Bills are probably more likely to bring that title home to Buffalo first. At least that’s who I think will win next year’s Super Bowl.
21. Ottawa Senators: Another team trending upward and could get in the playoffs in the near future.
22. Detroit Red Wings: Whatever the Red Wings are doing isn’t working but at least that arena is hot n ready.
23. St. Louis Blues: Shoutout to Jakub Vrana. Glad he’s found a home there. V has four goals including three in his last four games.
24. Washington Capitals: I’d rank them lower if I can but I’d still get heat and I’ll get plenty enough from this low ranking. Can’t make everyone happy!
25. Vancouver Canucks: Worse management than the Caps I’ll give them that.
26. Philadelphia Flyers: At least John Torts is bringing something interesting up there.
27. Arizona Coyotes: As bad as things are in Arizona I kind of think it’s cool that they play on a college campus.
28. Montreal Canadiens: The Bedard Cup is this Thursday against your Washington Capitals!
29. San Jose Sharks: It’s a rebuild but at least they discovered that quickly.
30. Columbus Blue Jackets: Jonathan Quick on that team was fun while it lasted.
31. Anaheim Ducks: Could they win Connor Bedard? Hockey Twitter would explode if this next team did.
32. Chicago Blackhawks: Blah. Never mind the bad stuff on the ice it’s off the ice over the last decade and a half and perhaps longer. Thanks for the standing Ovechkin though! Shoutout Captain Obvious for that reference.

Those are our first power rankings and we wanted to make it interesting other than the stats. See you next week!